I'm still not hungry, but the smell of really amazing food kills me. It makes my mouth water! Of course that is because my current liquid diet is boring. Protein shakes are not exciting. Johnny made asparagus the other night, which I love, and I stood over it for a minute debating trying to eat it. I started to think about how I used to eat. I would eat fast and always clean my plate. I wouldn't really enjoy food. I would eat as I was running. Running to make separate food for Jaxon and the other boys. Running to get out the door. Running errands. Always running. Never thinking about what I would eat. Its funny that I haven't been craving sweets. I have wanted chicken! Now that I can't have it I am thinking about it. Ironic.
I have been thinking a lot about my addiction to food, because really that is what it is. The problem with food being an addiction is that it is not alcohol, or drugs, or cigarettes, or something that can be cut out completely from your life. You have to eat. I think this is an issue that many women, especially Mormon women face. We control every other area so it is easy not to control food intake. We don't smoke or drink (at all). What we do do is cook! Mormon women love to cook and bake! Every (ok almost every) social event we have has food involved in some way. Not just holidays! There is rarely a meeting without refreshments. And because Mormon women love to cook and bake the eating of what we make comes along quite naturally! I realized I have not kept the Word of Wisdom in this aspect. God made us all different and loves us all the same, no matter the size, but I know that this is one of the great weaknesses of my life. I know I can do better! And I will.
1 comment:
Melody this is such an honest post. I completely agree with your assessment of the Mormon food culture and know i am a part of it. I also struggle with food issues, over eating and emotional eating. I have always wanted to just have a normal relationship with food and it is such a battle and journey to get there, I am far from being there. I too am eating too fast to truly enjoy it and listen to my body to tell me when I am done. It is hard to change ingrained habits but I really want to and know it is key for me to be able to manage and attain a healthy body image and weight.
I am proud of you! Please do continue to update your progress, I think you are such an amazing person.
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