Such is Life

I should have been posting regularly for the past two months since Johnny was working close to home and coming home every night. I had the time but not the motivation. He would come home every day and take the kids to play or to baseball practice so I could clean or make dinner in peace, but I never took the time to blog. Tonight is Johnny's first night away from home now that he was sent to a substation in Delano, CA (just north of Bakersfield). He will be working there for at least a month and hopefully coming home on the weekends. He is sad and lonely sitting in a grubby hotel by himself and was very put out that the hotel pool looked too gross to get in! As for me, at this very moment I have a sink full of dishes I am not going to wash tonight, clothes in the dryer I am not going to fold, dishes in the dishwasher I am not going to unload, toys (and a few goldfish) all over the floor that I am going to ignore, and most importantly I have four very happy little boys all asleep in their beds who had a yummy dinner, a fun bike ride, a warm bath, singing time, and a spiritual family home evening followed by family prayer. I actually feel a sense of accomplishment despite all of the things I didn't get done! I am going to go grab my kindle to start rereading the Great Gatsby (so I can feel prepared when I go see the movie with my book club) and eat some yummy chocolate! I will update my blog with all the fun stuff later!  

Goals

I almost accepted a part time evening and weekend job the other day. A friend mentioned they needed people and I thought, why not? I knew I would get the job and I had $$$ signs flashing in my mind as I thought about being able to save extra money and pay off debt. Then I thought about what I would be giving up. Johnny is finally home every night. I would be gone instead of spending time with him. I would miss baseball games, all Saturday activities, Sunday afternoons and family dinners, etc. I would leave Johnny to work 12 hour days then come home to take care of dinner and put the kids in bed. I would really miss singing to my kids at bedtime. Not worth it! I realized I was trying to fill a desire for self improvement and fulfillment with something that would leave me wanting and frustrated.

I have wanted to go back to school for a long time. I completed my first Master's degree in Adult Education/Distance Learning the month I found out I was pregnant with Daniel. That was February 2005. 8 years later I am enrolling in my second Master's program. This time I will get my teaching credential and a specialization to make myself more marketable as I try to enter the Online Education world. The ultimate goal being that I can teach online at the high school or college level. After having 4 babies in 5 1/2 years I want to do something that is for my own personal growth and self fulfillment. I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I have not written a research paper in almost a decade and the thought terrifies me! What on earth am I getting myself into?

Life

Tonight I was reading scriptures with my boys before bed holding Jaxon's hand so he could point to each word while sounding it out. For just a few seconds all my boys were calm and quiet which happens so infrequently it surprised me. All of a sudden I thought I would like to take a picture of my hand on Jaxon's on  the scriptures so I could remember that very second when I was actually able to feel the Spirit of the Lord in my life. By the time I even had the thought pop into my head the moment was over. Forget about even trying to grab the camera, I had to stop reading to intervene as Wesley smacked Garrett upside the head for touching his toy boat. Oh well. Such is my Life.

Skittles

This morning Daniel told me he had to bring a bag of Skittles to school for their 100th day of school project. At first I grumbled about having to leave the house early to stop by the store and unload all 4 kids just to grab a bag of stinkin' Skittles. But, then I thought maybe this would make an excellent learning experience for Daniel. He is 7 now and I have been trying to let him in on some older kid stuff like taking the garbage cans to the street, getting the mail, cutting veggies, filling pots with water and putting them on the stove, etc. So, I pulled up to the grocery store and luckily got a spot right in front of the door (not Wal-Mart, just the small local grocery store so I knew it would be an easy experiment) then I explained to him that the candy was on the first isle which I could see through the door, told him what to get and handed him a few dollars. I made sure to tell him which line to go through. Then, I stood at the door (looking like a dorky mom almost in tears because my first baby is growing up) for extra encouragement and to watch my other kids in the car. Daniel had a HUGE goofy toothless smile on his face the whole time. The cashier recognized me standing at the door since I am at that store on a much too frequent basis. She was great guiding Daniel through the payment process. The other shoppers all smiled at him and said encouraging words to him. It was adorable! When he was done he did a double fist pump in the air and shouted "I really did it Mom!" Apparently he enjoyed the experience so much he was going to write about it during journal time at school. Its amazing to me how something that was at first so annoying and filled me with frustration turned out to be the highlight of my day.

Weekend Getaway

Johnny has been working in Hanford (south of Fresno in central CA) for the past few weeks and he will likely be there for a few months. Its about 5 hours from Hemet where we are renting a house so he can't come home every weekend, its just too expensive. Luckily the company he is currently working for had their holiday party which provided a perfect excuse to leave the heathens with my parents and spend a whole 36 hours with Johnny alone. It was divine! We sat in the jacuzzi, danced to live music without worrying about what time we had to relieve the babysitter, ate ice cream, sat in the jacuzzi, went to bed late and slept in late, worked out at the gym for hours, sat in the jacuzzi, took long hot showers, went clothes shopping, took a nap, and then got all dressed up to go to the party.

I was nervous to meet the guys Johnny works with. Linemen are a rough group and I didn't really know what to expect. Johnny warned me about a few of the guys in advance, one was super scary looking but turned out to be a big teddy bear. The party was great fun. The food was great. The dancing was fun. The people I met were very nice and one guy in particular made a hilarious drunk. We were given $500 gambling chips each to use at the poker tables to earn raffle tickets. Our drink tickets we used to suck up to the guys on Johnny's crew. It paid off. Since Johnny and I don't ever gamble it was fun to learn a few new games and bet big knowing we had nothing substantial to lose. Some of the other guys started asking me to play for them when they saw my stack of chips. One guy told me I needed to win big so I could "win the Kitchen Aid to bake for [my] 45 children." He was hilarious. I guess 4 kids does seem like a lot to some people, especially when they are drunk. What I really wanted was the 60" flat screen, but I settled for $40 to Cold Stone. At least we didn't leave empty handed. Then what do you think we did when the party ended? Jacuzzi, of course! The time seemed to go so slow without the normal hussel of keeping the kids on schedule to avoid meltdowns. I was so relaxed the entire time. I miss being relaxed. 

The problem with the weekend being over is that now I need something else to look forward to. I have the kids all on my own so much of the time. Its hard to breath sometimes much less even remember to go to the bathroom or brush my own teeth. I am struggling to just keep my head above water. Going to a cold bed alone at night is not appealing so I tend to stay up too late reading then regret it when my boys wake early the next morning. Each day I tell Johnny he should be happy we are all alive. I know it is hard for him too knowing that I struggle and he can't be here to relieve me. Most of the time our limited conversations are cut short by the kids. I know it will get easier over time. I count my blessings that we are not in the trailer any more and that at least two of my boys are in school most of the day. I think later in life I will be able to look back at this time and laugh, but not yet. Not yet.    

Jaxon EE Update

I took Jaxon to the Rady Children's Hospital EE Clinic in Murrieta, CA a few weeks ago for a follow-up appointment. After we left Denver last year with a list of new foods to try I was scared and felt that we were setting Jaxon up for failure. Jaxon, however, never ceases to amaze me! He is doing SO well. Since Denver we have added one by one rice, dairy, wheat, and egg back into his diet. There is no sign that he is reacting to any of them. No tummy pain, no vomiting, no trouble swallowing, no rash, no hives, nothing. His last two scopes have been clear of any EEs. So, with that in mind I made an executive decision. No more scopes. He had five by the time he was 4 1/2 years old. I am done and he is done. Until I see some strong indication that he is reacting in some way to the food he is eating we are moving ahead. Currently he has NO FOOD RESTRICTIONS! Wahoo! Five years of tests, reading labels, seeing doctors, attempting to explain his condition to others, etc. Such frustration. I am not sure if I'm ready to use the word "cured." I'm not sure if that is really an option for EE kids to ever really be cured, but for now Jaxon is healthy, happy, and boy can that kid eat!

I wish with all my heart that all the kids out there suffering from eosinophilic conditions could be doing as well as Jaxon.    

These are a few of my favorite things!

The last week I was feeling a little mopey because we are not in "our own home" and I was dissatisfied with having to rent for a while. Buying a new home for our family excited me and then it didn't happen. To try and get myself out of my "woe is me" funk I decided I needed to concentrate on the positive things and make sure to tell Johnny about them so he would know how much I love and appreciate all of his hard work to support our family. I didn't want him to come home to me every day pointing out the things I hated about where we are living (i.e. the butcher knife tip broken off in one of the cabinet doors).

Here it goes. Really this is what is at the top of my list!

1. An actual full size refrigerator, ice maker and all. ICE! We actually have ice at our finger tips! I picked out and bought an excellent but very inexpensive stainless steel refrigerator from a Persian couple off Craig's List. Compared to what I have lived with the last few years our new refrigerator feels absolutely gigantic! I promptly made a trip to Costco to fill it up! I have missed Costco and now I have the storage space to shop in bulk again!

2. A dishwasher! No more stacking our dishes sky high in the little drying rack! No more rock, paper, scissors to see who will have to wash dishes.

3. A water heater larger than 5 gallons! The hot water seems ENDLESS! I can finally take a shower longer than 2 minutes, shave my legs in the shower, and leave the water on while I scrub!

4. Not just one, but two FLUSHING toilets! Now I don't have to make one of my boys pee in the shower while the other one is sitting on the only available toilet! Seriously they all have to go at the same time and now one of my most frustrating problems has been solved. AND, I get to remove draining the tank from my boy's chore list. I bet no other 5 and 6 year olds would even know how to drain the tank on a travel trailer. I guess I'll replace that chore with loading/unloading the dishwasher. Wahahahaha!

5. I have a walk in closet. It would not be considered massive to some, but to me it is easily over 3 time as big as our trailer bathroom was and it is all mine! In the trailer I had one little cabinet and a tiny drawer. After losing so much weight my clothes take up maybe two and a half feet of the closet, but I am sure I can work to fill it over time! Wink, wink! Johnny has his own huge closet too and it is heavenly not to have to share.

6.  I don't have to light a pilot light to cook or check the over for toys! And I don't have to store food under the couch!

7. All of my kitchen gadgets are in cabinets now and I can bake the day away using any pans and bowls I want. In the trailer there was only room for a few things so I would rewash the same bowl or baking dish over and over. Not any more!

8. I have a backyard where my kids can play. They can come in and out without having to ask. I don't worry about them being run over or falling in a pool or being taken by a stranger when they are out there. A private back yard! Who knew it could be so heavenly?!

9. Separate rooms! Seriously?! Need I say more?! With 4 kids (and only a curtain separating them from us in the trailer) I love having a door to close between each room. And not just a door, a door with a lock!

10. A laundry room. No more going to the public or coin laundry. No more loading my kid's red wagon with laundry baskets and trekking over speed bumps to see if the machines are available. We have not bought a new washer and dryer yet, but we will soon. For now I wash clothes at my parent's house a few times a week. Sometimes I just stand in our empty laundry room and imagine having my own again. It will be soon, very soon, and I can't wait.

I think I might go on forever, but you get the point. Living in a house again, any house, is growing on me. I am very blessed. I just needed to recognize my blessings. I have been thinking about some of the women I know who are great friends of mine and who are having a very rough time right now. Some have been having very difficult struggles for years. I have every reason to be happy. I need to be more grateful. My grandmother has a saying "if all our troubles were hung on the line, you'd take yours and I'd take mine." So true!